Summer 2017 | An Epic Season of Soul-Searching

Well… Hello, Autumnal Equinox. It’s nice to see you again. Did you know that you’re my favorite season? Well, now ya know 🙂

Since the summer time is gone, I wanted to do some reflecting on how my summer went. So I’ll start with this…

My joy is the one thing that keeps me going. I keep my joy sacred and safe from harms way. My happiness is another thing, for it comes from things that are happening in the moment. Consequently, even though I had a lot of happy, funny, and beautiful times, I felt like my joy was always in harms way this year. [FYI, If you haven’t read my previous blog, I mentioned that I resigned from my job as a math teacher.] I will not go into a lot of details, but didn’t that sound weird to you? Well, it did to me because I’m not a quitter. It may take me a while to do things or I may procrastinate (I’m guilty of it), but quitting was never an option. So resigning from my job was the hardest thing I ever had to do because it left me with a mixture of freedom and failure. I felt free because it was a moment of many truths, realizing that I wasn’t happy where I was and I didn’t want to hold on to something that will hinder my joy later. On the other hand, the idea of quitting something before it took flight made me feel like a complete failure who took too many spoon fulls of humble pie.

After leaving the school on my last day with tears in my eyes, crying all the way home, I knew that this summer was a going to be a summer of Ohio weather: bipolar. A mixture of “I’m going to be okay. I will get it together. I’m a big girl!” and “I don’t know what to do with my life right now. I feel like a failure.” Additionally, I knew this summer will have me making decisions of whether or not I wanted to find a job teaching in the secondary school system, whether public, private, or charter.

Regardless of my situation, I did not allow this to hinder my summer fun.  It began with a trip with my mom, my brother, and his girlfriend to Atlanta to visit my uncle and his girlfriend. I haven’t been to Atlanta in a while and I didn’t see everything when I was down there. I even got to see the Martin Luther King exhibit. It was only a weekend getaway, but it was still fun and informational nonetheless. Then I managed to plan and book a solo trip to Las Vegas to see, meet, and get to know my cousins and their friends. I had a lot of fun on that trip too: lots of laughs, memories, and solo adventures. (More info on that trip here.) Plus I went to the grand canyon! Lastly, my big out-of-state travels ended when I went to Chicago with my mom and became an honorary diva 🙂 (More info on that trip here.)

If I wasn’t traveling, then I was going to shows (Sister Act the Musical & Motown the Musical), taking walks, reading, shopping, playing World of Warcraft, binge-watching shows, sleeping late, going to bed late, and being lazy.

And to top it all of… I went to a Bruno Mars concert.

BRUNO. FREAKING. MARS. 

Mr. 24k Magic himself!

This concert was impulsively purchased back in February of this year. Yes, I said February… as in February of 2017. The tickets weren’t that expensive in February btw! Anywho, fast forward to September and here I am with a bunch of photos and videos. I went with two amazing girls and we laughed and danced for hours alcohol-free. (It’s possible people!) It’s miraculous that I was able to give only the ones in this blog. 

From the band, to the hypemen, to the lights, to Bruno, from start of his performance, to finish… ugh! By far the best concert I’ve ever been to. He even did an encore! I am officially Team Hooligan 😀 Even though I’m paying for the aftermath by going to work the next morning on 3 hours of sleep, thuggin it college-style, I regret NOTHING. I’m still reliving the night in my head. Take me baaaaack!

I considered this concert to be the great ending to a wonderful summer.

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to this song. All rights belongs to the owner.

Overall, my summer was great! The best summer I’ve ever had as an adult. Regardless of my situation, I feel like I earned the right to do these things because I worked hard all school year. At the same time it did leave me wondering about my future, which wasn’t as clear as it once was. Now don’t get it twisted: I know that I’m more than capable of teaching in a school system. I’ve learned growing up that I can do anything that I set my mind to, just like it says in the Bible (Philippians 4:13). However, the golden question was, “Did I want to?” I’ve been asking myself this question since May, and I haven’t given myself a believable answer yet. I love kids and interacting with them. I love the reactions I see when they finally figure something out. I enjoy interacting with and listening to the stories of teachers and watching them in their element, both in the classroom and out of it. I love the relationships that were developed along this journey of becoming a teacher, both mentors and non-mentors alike. However, it’s been difficult to push myself into finding a job in a school system no matter how hard I try, and no one has been fully successful in convincing me to do so.

I know, I know… I’ve only done it for one year; but all it takes is one time for me to like it or not. So I don’t know if I want to continue yet, which is sad. And I hate to say this, but my previous job has left a bad taste in my mouth.

The next golden question I thought of was, “What do I want to do now?” The obvious answer would be to look for another job, but (again) it was a matter of wanting to look for one in education. Additionally, I began to question whether or not this was a career that I was called to do because I firmly believe that you have to be called to teach anyone. I also thought about whether or not I was called in this area of education or called somewhere else, misinterpreting the call as a result. Sometimes, I feel like God should just sit next to me and tell me what do with my life! I don’t always know what to do, but you know what… It’s okay to say that I don’t know what I want to do with my life right now. I’m being honest with myself! I believe it’s okay to say that I’m still trying to figure it and be a complete wreck sometimes. I’m only twenty-six years old, not thirty-six.

There were a lot of days where I felt discourage, very discourage. Some nights I cried myself to sleep, feeling like I’m in the arms of God giving me comfort. There were three songs that played in my mind consistently throughout the summer… “I Need a Word” by Smokie Norful, “I Made It” by Fantasia ft. Tye Tribbett, and “Healing” by Richard Smallwood.

Later on in the summer I decided to look for another job in a different school district while I figure things out; figured maybe I should give it another chance and find the love that I once had fully in education. Plus I went to school for this, I got bills to pay, and I got a degree for this… *lol* I did get a part-time job and I’ll admit that I like it so far! Teachers, the counselor, and principal have been very welcoming to me. Additionally, I have another interview coming up soon… and not gonna lie… I’m nervous!

In the mean time, I have tried to keep myself busy with different projects, watching YouTube videos, and binge watch shows that I didn’t get a chance to watch before. I also thought about doing some other things to pass the time.

 I have the love of my crochet business which was developed in college, and I’ve always had the love of writing since the 4^th grade. As for music, it will always be my first love but I never had plans of pursuing it; just learning more about it. I can blog more (which I am)… or I could try teaching at a college. Somewhere deep within the depths of my soul I still have a love for education, so teaching college students may be something that I can try. Teaching at a college has grown to become a dream of mine during the 2016-17 school year. Just the thought of teaching at a college vs. grade school makes me feel excited yet super nervous at the same time. I have experience in teaching adults my age for Sunday School, but not outside of my church. I believe I’m capable doing it 😉

Please believe me when I say that I don’t want sympathy, for this isn’t a pity blog post. If you didn’t get anything from this blog posts, then here are some takeaways (since I tend to ramble):

Life will always throw you a curve ball, whether you like it or not. Be ready to swing when it does.

Pick a career that will make you happy later. It seems to be an unheard of thing to say, but I perceive it to be true. I would be different if you’re starting at an entry-level job and you want to work your way up. So in that case, be encouraged because it will lead you to a greater thing. However, once you’re already there your career should make you happy; so you may need to re-evaluate yourself if it doesn’t. In some cases you don’t have to stick around to find out later if what you’re doing will make you happy. I think you should already know or have a feeling if your career choice will make you happy in the future because you see it getting better, you feel it getting better.

It’s okay to not have everything figured out right now if you’re between the ages of 18 and 29. Trust me! I surely don’t have everything figured out! I’ve learned that your twenties consists of trials and errors. Additionally, think of it this way: we just got out of our teenage years. The way I see it, I am a 6-year-old adult 🙂

As for me, I’m still figuring it out and finding a place where I’ll be happy for a while. I’ll try to stay encouraged and keep going when life throws a curve ball… and that is okay with me 🙂

Alright Fall, I’m ready for ya… but because I live in Ohio, It’ll be a hot Fall for a while *lol*

~Live Laugh Love~